


Let the past die

by rosalynbair



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jedi Killer, Murder, major death, pre tfa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 18:29:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15612342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosalynbair/pseuds/rosalynbair
Summary: Kylo, a creature of lonely solitude. All because of one night that had changed the course of his life.





	Let the past die

Gone were the nights of warm air and soft sheets. The gentle film of sweat no longer clung to his body from the climate of a planet he had once known so well. The tan linen pants would not fit his fame any longer, though the thought sometimes flashed across his mind that they would be more comfortable than the leather he so often fell asleep in.   
The gentle breeze mixed with the beams of the morning sun weren’t what woke him from his sleep anymore, he hadn’t taken the trail along the temple to the old and rotting cliffside cabin that once housed the laughter of his friends at all hours of the day. 

He missed the mist that rose up from the crashing rocks below the cliff, the sounds of the native birds cooing and teasing him with their relentless freedom while he trained hard to focus on the pressure that ensnared him, the cage that trapped him, the ropes that bound his soul to the temple of peace keepers and warriors long passed into the history fading from the old and sacred texts. 

Their names were long forgotten, their purpose morphing with each generation to fit false ideas of peace and balance of the universe. The forced idea that the balance could be achieved with only the good existing, destroy the bad, the evil, the corrupt, and the galaxy would know true peace. 

The only peace he had ever known was in your eyes, the soft love that had existed only for him. The tilt of your lovely lips as you smiled at him from afar as he approached you. Your hand taking his ever so gently as he came close to you on the cliff, the sea breeze twisting and blowing at your light robes. 

There had been no fear, or hatred between you. Only young and sweet, forbidden love. 

Betrayal had come on the night of destruction, flames licking and hissing under the thick rain of the island storm. Lightning illuminated your figure from behind, your eyes hidden by the shadow of the night, he had never seen the pain that had taken hold of you. He had never seen the tears that fell down your cheeks and joined the droplets falling to the muddied ground.

One step, two, three, ten, until he was before you. “Join me.” He had begged, his hair plastered to his face and his robes clinging to his soaked skin. His hand was out, palm up and catching a pool of water in the lines that were etched there. The light saber he had built was active and buzzing loudly at the power its owner exuded.

“I can’t.” You had cried, clutching your hands together against your chest. “This isn’t my path.”

“Our path is our own.” Kylo had told you, his fingers curling into a fist as he saw your decision was final. His arm fell limp at his side, swinging twice before he held it stiff. “He’ll make me kill you.”

A crack of thunder sounded from above, your feet holding you in place as you look up to meet his pained and fearful gaze. The words of Snoke twirling and grasping the tendrils of his thoughts. Death to anyone who does not obey.

You would not obey the ways of the dark side, you were too gentle to ever consider the path he had chosen for himself that night. The path that tore him from you and your love. The love he so desperately craved for the decades that he spent in quiet and hatred filled solitude. 

He craved the touch you had once given him to ease his thoughts, to quiet the demons that held his thoughts during the nights. He missed the warmth your body had given him on the cooler nights, the secrets shared between the verboten lovers as your lips met. 

The nights were cold now, it seeped into his bones and stiffened his joints. He hated it, the stiff breeze that chilled the metal of the mask he held behind to leave cold indents on his skin. The bitter frost clung to the leather of his pants and gloves, solidifying the once soft material. 

The loud voices in his head had even more intense brisk tone than Snoke had ever given him. They taunted him, calling the hatred he had for the unfair ways of the force to the forefront of his mind, reminding him of all that he had lost in the fight to bring balance, to do what he believed to be truly right.

Memories haunted him, controlling his dreams, giving him false hope - of being able to change everything, to start over - throughout the short sleep he was able to get each night. 

Your eyes were there each night, each time his eyes closed, and darkness covered his vision, he could only ever see you on the cliff side with your robes moving around in the damp air around you, strands of hair twisting around your face as you smiled at him.

Oh, how he wished he could see your smile again, how he could take back everything he had done out of the fear of Snoke’s manipulation and Luke’s lapse of judgement. He wished he could hold you one more time, beg the force to let him see you just one more time. Just once and he could rest peacefully.

But your force signature had long since faded, your body now a part of the flora that surrounded the burnt ruins of the temple. You had melded away into the landscape after his lightsaber had gone through your heart, the heart that had belonged to him. 

He had watched your eyes etiolate as he held your gaze, the light fading until they were dull and glassy orbs of nothing. Kylo had retracted his saber from your ribs, observing your body sway until it dropped unceremoniously to the mossy and slick rocks beneath your feet. 

His knees were bruised from where he had knelt beside you, his fingers closing your eyelids over the eyes that haunted his life. You were his past, he had killed you, let you truly become the force. 

But you would not die. Not truly. You were not dead as your force spirit followed him throughout his life, watching him deteriorate. His heart screamed for you, screamed and begged for you to return to him. 

The throne was a cold and lonely place for a man like him. A man who had let so much evil manipulate and control who he was and what he did. He had ruined the legacy that had been laid out before him, destroyed any happiness that could have ever held in his grasp. 

Kylo Ren was cursed with the longevity of a life in solitude. Cursed with the success of everything he had worked for. Cursed because he had killed the past that he now could not bare to truly let die.


End file.
